Men Matter Too

 

                                                      Anguished ManPhoto Credit: Shutterstock.com

I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the computer screen of the passenger in front of me.  I was flying back from an exhausting conference in Las Vegas and looking forward to an hour of blissful nothingness the glass of wine in my hand and music from my headphones were promising. That was not meant to be.

A man was writing an email to his wife, who it was obvious things were not going well with.  I knew I should look away, but didn’t.

“I’m sorry for the way things were when I left”, he wrote. “I’ve not been the husband you signed up for and you deserve so much more than I’ve been giving. I’m so very sorry if I’ve ever made you feel threatened or unsafe, thinking of that even being a possibility just kills me.  I promise to do what I can to fix things and all I ask in return is that you don’t become indifferent.  Please fight for us.  Get mad at me, punch me, pull my hair, do whatever it takes to show me that you care enough about our relationship to risk doing something outrageous.”

Now I’m paraphrasing from memory here, but the gist of the message I think is on target. This man was in complete anguish over his failing marriage and desperate to make things right. Every so often he’d stop typing, clasp his hands together and stare intensely at the seatback in front of him. Soon his fingers were back at the keyboard, deleting things here and adding things there.  Finally he called it quits and closed the laptop, probably because the creepy woman in seat 13C wouldn’t stop looking over his shoulder.

The whole episode was both disturbing and touching and not just because I was witnessing a broken marriage in action. That is not an uncommon event unfortunately.   It just struck me that when we hear of scenarios like this, or of any kind of flux between a man and woman, we tend to view the man through a one-dimensional lens and paint him as the “bad guy” who is always at fault.

This is plain wrong of course. Men, just like women, are individuals with different personalities, morals and motivations. They suffer too when relationships collapse and also feel intense emotions and pain, each in their own unique way.  And they are certainly not always at fault when breakups happen.

Yet culturally we seem to disallow this, as men’s individuality is slowly being erased in favor of a generalized group of lunky, dimwitted cavemen who lurk in corners waiting for the right opportunity to take advantage of and/or attack women.

The whole grievance industry that saturates today’s politics really pushes this narrative and it’s been just poisonous for male/female relationships.  It strips people of their humanity (thank you Julie) and labels them “oppressor” or “victim”, making it easier to demonize or idolize them for no reason other than what their group identity represents. Men are bad and always lie, women are good and are always to be believed.

The #MeToo movement, which I believe has done a lot of good, has been so corrupted by this that it’s difficult to take any new allegations seriously anymore. Who can be guilty when everyone is? And the whole Brett Kavanaugh fiasco just reinforced what many of us have known for awhile; that destroying a man’s reputation and career mean nothing to a fair amount of people in this country as long as the right ones gain power in the end.

None of this is good for men or women.  Men are being made to feel defective just for being born male and women with valid claims of sexual assault are getting lumped in with those wishing to push an agenda over the truth. In other words the trend of men disengaging from society is only going to get worse and the callousing of opinion towards women will continue to harden.  And then what?

More women need to recognize that swinging the pendulum too far against men in the otherwise honorable quest to stamp out sexual assault is actually harming the cause. As a wise person said to me recently, the cause of women in their honest claims cannot be advanced by those who blindly champion women in their dishonest ones.   Certainly the road to women’s empowerment does not stem from tearing down men.

I really hope the man from the plan was able to reconcile with his wife.  While it was morbidly fascinating for me to witness such a personal and touching scene, it made me think twice about the judgements I might make of people because of their sex, race, income level, political affiliation, etc…

Both men and women matter, we all do, as individuals with unique qualities, characteristics and a personal history that makes us who we are.  The identity politics crowd tries desperately to deny this as they shove us in to predefined groups pitted against one another.  We should stop letting them do so

 

 

 

 

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41 Responses to Men Matter Too

  1. Amen! God bless men, some of them struggle so hard to do the right thing in a world constantly working against them.

    Something that has really surprised me is how many men just “don’t know,” they just don’t get relationships. I think for a lot of women, our expectations are so high and we often expect men to “just know.” Most of the time they aren’t malevolent at all, they’re genuinely ignorant. It’s probably partially biology and partially social conditioning. Chuckling here, but a big part of “tolerance” is actually accommodating people’s different needs. So speaking like one of the snarky “woke” here, but women need to “make space” for men, to be gracious unto them. That’s really missing in our modern society.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Tricia says:

      Oh my goodness you are so correct there IB about women needing to make space for men, myself included! I think too you’re right about men and women just not understanding each other. Accommodating different people’s needs? Now there’s a lost art in today’s world!

      Liked by 4 people

  2. The Night Wind says:

    It’s the ‘divide and conquer’ strategy of Cultural Marxism at work. The idea is to manipulate groups into those supportive of the agenda while isolating those who reject it.

    As far as ‘Me Too’ goes, one of the discoveries that criminologists have been learning with the advent of DNA and other technologies is that many of the sexual crimes against women are being committed by serial offenders. It’s disproving the Feminist lie that ‘all men are potential rapists’ and showing that these crimes are mostly the work of a handful of sickos.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Tricia says:

      This cultural Marxism is such a cancer on society, I hope we are just in a phase and it dissipates soon enough. Jury’s out on that though. That’s interesting what you note about the criminologist findings on sex crimes. Sure would be nice if more of the media reported not that, wouldn’t it? Lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wally Fry says:

    Thanks for this, Tricia.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ColorStorm says:

    Yeah T, how many women do you see signing up for termite inspectors crawling in attics, roofers a thousand feet off the ground, bridge painters 500 ft above rivers, tree climbers who carry a hundred lb tool belt, so yeah, men matter, but only in the world and mind of the liberal does distinction of the sexes not matter.

    Am I saying a woman cannot do any of the above? Heck no, there was this gal once who could lift a train…………….. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      True, true, true CS! There will always be exceptions but for the most part men and women were built differently for different purposes. Lifting trains now, that’s a whole different type of super person all together…;)

      Liked by 1 person

      • ColorStorm says:

        Name was big bertha- wide as a caboose, scared the heck out of men. lololol.

        Underneath that ability to melt ice was a warm woman and pretty smart. Name was Catherine actually, and she was probably 95 lbs as an adult, but must have been her strength of character which blinded men’s ability to see her as she was. Ha!

        Now I got you all mixed up. Just being an object lesson for those who say believers do not have a sense of humor.!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So very well said. Thanks for speaking the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you Tricia for sharing such a touching story…there was a reason you couldn’t look away…as awkward as it may have been. It’s because God needed you to share all of that here…for someone else—whomever that may be.
    Marriage, relationships are each composed of two…two very different individuals who each come together to become one. Not an easy task given the differences…
    Differences that are so much more than just the physical.
    A brave man he is…yearning to what is right—reaching out, acknowledging his errors, asking that she will do the same…reach out…
    And now we must pray. Because knew this man and his wife would need our prayers!!
    Thank you Tricia….

    Liked by 5 people

    • Tricia says:

      You know Julie I hadn’t thought of that but perhaps someone did need to read this. Thanks for pointing that out.

      And yes, prayers for that couple they are able to move past their difficulties and reconcile.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Doug says:

    I am a relative late comer in reading your posts, but this one, without a doubt, was the most insightful.. and it’s important that you are aware I say that not because you’re favoring some balance with my gender. You were inspired to write what you did from being a bit of a witness to a private plea for a marital reconciliation. Had I read that same email in your same situation I would also have been inspired on a number of levels. In it’s purest form it’s a human being trying to reconcile a relationship with another human being. It’s also a poignant plea from a husband to his wife. For me it’s a symbolic affirmation in the hope for mankind. In his words were reflected love toward another, a love that at least started between two people, a regret for having succumbed to faltering in that love, and a plea for forgiveness. The hope for humanity is in the process to want to do that. We certainly don’t know what led to their issues as husband and wife, and we certainly shouldn’t presume that his wife should accommodate his wishes to “fix” what might be broken between them simply from his eloquent words as that is totally up to her to measure the importance of what he did to their love. For me the important take away… is that he tried.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      Thanks Doug for your thoughtful comment. I especially like what you say about the hope for humanity lying in our ability to want to forgive. There is a lot of truth to that.

      Like

  8. david says:

    Men and women are different. Is there toxic masculinity or toxic femininity? The nuclear family has been destroyed on purpose thru the Feminist movement as women have been empowered to merely become slaves to the system, instead of being the nurturing component in a symbiotic relationship. Instead of being a great team, relationships have become more combative thru the influences of hollywood and the media. Feminism has truly been a form of birth control and a significant deterrent to a properly functioning society. Divide and conquer is how the masses are controlled, and all identity politics are exactly for that purpose!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Unfortunately there is a lot of truth to that David.

      Like

      • david says:

        Great blog btw. As a sometimes politically incorrect individual and alpha male like myself, I refuse to back down on my beliefs. The confusion of the sexes going on is orchestrated and is causing alot of problems. When and only when we all realize that we are different can we all begin to celebrate each sexes strengths instead of always pointing out each of our weaknesses. When women start wanting to work the sewers is when we can talk about equality. Women need to start realizing they have been played hard, as I doubt most women believe their lives are better than their mothers. We do live in the Brave New World and I would like to go back to where my parents came from.

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Al says:

    Dead on, as usual, Tricia. The current wave of anti-white man sentiment totally dismisses the advancement of society, health, technology and science for which white men have played a key role. Yes, we’re not all saints, but show me another race where that isn’t the case.

    Signed, your reviled, white, male pal, Al.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Salvageable says:

    This is beautifully written, Tricia, and I’m glad you shared it. We live in a broken world, stained by sin, and it is good to notice that at times broken people are struggling to do the right thing. Of course in the end our only hope lies in Jesus Christ and his redemption. Only he can pull us out of evil, wash away our sins, and fix what we have broken. I pray that the man you saw and his wife find some strength in Christ to mend their marriage and move forward with hope and joy. J.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Citizen Tom says:

    Interesting. Thanks for writing this.

    For the most part these days divorce is all about who gets the kids, pays child support, and pays alimony. Conventional wisdom favors the woman getting everything. Leaves lots of men bitter. In a divorce a woman has far less to lose.

    We have a fragmented society. Marriages use to exist within communities. Families, friends, and neighbors held couples accountable, helping and pleasuring couples to work through their differences to reconciliation. That’s critical because every marriage is imperfect. Every couple struggles from time to time, and without accountability, it is often easier to separate than it is to swallow ones pride and forgive.

    What happened to America’s once thriving communities? They got swallowed up by urban and suburban sprawl, a product of government mismanagement. Government took over schools and most charitable activities. When our expensive governments are suppose to answer every need, there isn’t as much reason for people to come together anymore and voluntarily work together and solve problems. We have to work too hard to pay our taxes.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Canuck Carl says:

    This is powerful Tricia. And thank you. I’m not sure where the paradigm shift took place of how the modern male gender stereotype is viewed, but a lot I feel personally has to do with television. Not many male role models left anymore on TV. A lot of bumbling idiots that are laughed at. I don’t have TV anymore, mostly for that reason. Though I am not by any means perfect, I really try to be a role model in the “real world”. Thank you for this breath of fresh air! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Peak Life says:

    New to your blog. As a non American I find many cultural as well as social aspects of your country fascinating. The ideals espoused as a nation which unfortunately from my outsiders perspective very rarely seem lived up to is probably the main reason for the fascination. The recent Kavanagh reality show was both gripping and disappointing. Its so unfortunate that males are unable to own poor judgement, acknowledge their errors, apologise in sincerity and move on. It was the same thing with Clinton. Fear of man, saw him lie before the entire world, when the truth should have been less painful and honourable. I have no doubt that K did what he was accused of but once again the fear of man won the day. The elephant in the room during the Kav hearing was America’s problem with alcohol but like guns are contributing factor to so many sad outcomes in your country because human rights are valued in pursuit of human wrongs and because of this, men will continue to live in fear.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Doug says:

      I rather like that idea.. human rights are valued in pursuit of human wrongs.
      Unfortunately fear is a part of the human condition and exists in many forms around the world. We survive as a species because we have a fear of that we do not understand and adapt accordingly. We fear the unknown yet it’s inbred in our species to constantly try to conquer the unknown. I exist in America.. you exist in the Caribbean.. as a result of man trying to explore the unknown world. Individually we go through our own lives prioritizing our fears. Some fears are more immediate and require a greater amount of our time and attention to protect ourselves. In fact, protecting ourselves is simply making one fear less important over another fear. Ultimately, by protecting ourselves the fears in our lives are less profound and hopefully we can enjoy living without some fears.

      You mentioned honor.. or honour. I will grant you this much, friend, honor is not a widely recognized trait in America these days.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Thanks for coming by PL and your comment. I’m curious about your statement, “I have no doubt that K did what he was accused of but once again the fear of man won the day.” What are you basing this on?

      For me the fact that not one of the witnesses Dr. Ford put forth were able to corroborate her story and in fact actually directly contradicts it was pretty telling.The farce was the Democrats sacrificing a man’s career and reputation in order to win more votes in the upcoming election. Thank goodness it completely backfired.

      Like

  14. Raymond says:

    I was proud once to call myself a feminist. A hard-steel warrior in the steadfast fight against the oppression of women. I was raised by a strong woman, and my dad was defective. I was raised to believe that men were broken and needed fixed; that people like my dad were the societal norm rather than a tiny subset of the population.

    That was until I was told I had white male privilege and when I asked about it I was told to google it because she wasn’t prepared to do the emotional labour that’s required of her.. unless I paid her of course.

    So I googled it. Quite interesting really. I found a lot of speakers making sense. Speakers that I wouldn’t normally associate with but took a centrist stance on freedom of speech like I do; that claimed opportunity is everywhere, whereas being a victim is not.

    Yeah. Safe to say I write for men and boys now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      Hey Raymond, thanks for your comment. It’s sad to me not only how much tearing down of men is happening but how damaging it is in return to women as well. Strange world we live in eh? Thanks for coming by.

      Liked by 2 people

  15. Stephen says:

    Great post Tricia. And thank you for bringing common sense to the debate. As someone mentioned I think that the societal conflicts escalating between men and women are a divide and conquer strategy. The misuse of feminism has resulted in a reversal of male chauvenism into a kind of female chauvenism. Neither addresses the real problems of inequality, unfairness, injustice or the menace of sexual aggression for example, all of which are people problems.

    I have a friend who works for a rape crisis service that alleges to serve both men and women victims but refuses to employ any men whatsoever, even as volunteers. On questioning this she got quite annoyed and quoted sexual aggression statistics at me as a justification for a women-only service. If I were arguing for a men-only service of some sort then I’d no doubt be hung up by the unmentionables. I thought feminism was about treating people of either gender with fairness and dignity, not replacing a male-dominated hierarchy with a female one.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Stephen says:

    oops, I meant ‘Think you may be right’!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Stephen says:

    Hi Tricia, I’ve just nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award. You can find your nomination here: https://therapyglasgow.com/2018/12/12/sunshine-blogger-award/ Hope you’re well, Stephen

    Like

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