On Being Offended

I was having an on line spat recently with a person who was upset that another blogger whose post we were commenting on had used the word “policemen” and she had gone so far as to call him sexist for doing so. I at first assumed she was joking, merely feigning outrage because she was losing her argument with him, but sadly this was not the case.

After chiming in with what I thought was funny fake outrage over her being outraged, I was told in all seriousness that my being a woman does not give me the automatic right to talk about “gender-specific patriarchal language and societal constructs “ because I didn’t understand their meaning. Right. Well someone excelled in their Women’s Study courses I see.

The notion that my gender doesn’t give me instant credibility on what constitutes supposedly oppressive language towards females is preposterous. I’m a woman (not a womon) and don’t feel at all threatened by words that end in “man” or “men”. That doesn’t mean I speak for all women (not womyn though), but it is my opinion and thus it should count as a helpful reference for those who wonder about stuff like this.

Don’t wade too deep in to the gender proxy wars though as you’re apt to go bat shit crazy. Because you see it’s never about wanting to inform, or improve on things and certainly not to debate ideas, but to shut down and destroy. As the blogger referenced above, I’m NOT ALLOWED to talk about gender specific patriarchal blah, blah, blah because I just don’t understand such complex subject matter. In reality she just didn’t like what I had to say and therefore my opinion was not valid.

On U.S. college campuses this concept of speech suppression has reached insane levels of absurdity.  Speakers whose opinions activists disagree with are commonly disinvited from speaking engagements and for the ones that aren’t, safe spaces are provided for students who might become traumatized by hearing opinions they don’t like. It’s bizarre for me even be typing these words but this is really happening.

At Oberlin College recently, feminist scholar Christina Hoff Sommers was invited to speak about her brand of feminism, which doesn’t follow the typical Liberal script and happens to stress empowerment over victimhood. When she arrived she was met with furious denunciations by far left student activists who branded her as a “rape denier” and held “fuck anti feminists” signs during her speech. Safe spaces were also provided of course for those who may have felt threatened by her words.

Just what is so threatening about a petit, middle aged woman speaking about issues of empowerment? Nothing of course but since she doesn’t hold the “correct” opinions on such things she must be invalidated as a rape denier, devalued with offensive signs and shut down with constant heckling during her speech.”

It’s not just Oberlin that’s taken up residence in the Land of Insanity either, schools across the nation have gone all out bonkers, banning everything and anything that may be the slightest bit offensive. This video sums things up nicely…

It would be funny if not for the serious fact that these kids will one day be in charge, and what then? We cannot survive as a species if an entire generation of young people believes that opposing ideas are bad, that hearing something offensive makes you unsafe and that things that might trigger uncomfortable feelings must be blocked out. What a putrid and stagnant society ours would be if this were the norm; different ways of thinking demonized, speech suppressed, constant bickering, no learning, no growth, no evolvement.

Speaking as a woman, (yes I have that right) I think this idea of suppressed speech is especially damaging for females. Physically we are the weaker sex, there is just no way getting around that, but that’s ok. Our strength comes more from the spirit and intellect with our ability to connect emotionally, to nurture and encourage. It doesn’t mean we don’t or can’t excel in areas outside of this but the truth is we are different from men, which gives us power.

We give that power up though by allowing ourselves to be offended by mere words, or to fall for the lie that our culture is steeped in oppressive patriarchy with the deck permanently stacked against us. This poisonous thinking creates a victimhood mentality that encourages blaming others for life’s challenges, while remaining stuck and perpetually outraged. It’s extremely disempowering because it transfers accountability for happiness from yourself to some unknown “evil” source.

As Steve Maraboli, author of the book Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience says, “The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.”

If you’re going to be mad about something, at least go after real outrages like the horrible oppression experienced daily by women around the world, or the disastrous way we are failing those in need of mental health services here in the U.S.

And when dealing with disagreeable? Try listening and accepting that maybe they too share the same good intentions as you but have a different path on how to get there. And if it’s obvious they don’t? So what, just as they have the right to speak and possibly offend, you have the right to not listen and walk away.

Life really is too short to be upset about everything  Fight what you must, but don’t let your cause overtake your humanity.

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99 Responses to On Being Offended

  1. Arkenaten says:

    Amazing what some people consider ‘bat shit crazy’ isn’t it?
    Makes you think, doesn’t it? Or at least, it should.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wally Fry says:

    Nice read Tricia and thanks for the link!

    We are different, aren’t we? We bring different abilities and outlooks to the table and it is the awesome union of that which makes it so cool. Would be far less fun, and probably more contentious if a man and woman were precisely the same. In fact, seems our efforts to eradicate differences and be the same leads to contention and strife. Or course, I’m no expert on gender relations, I can only go with what God’s Word seems to say. And then, I can really only act on the things He told me…that whole part about loving your wife as Christ love the Church. It’s a pretty fine start to things.

    On an odd note, it feels pretty weird to be classified as a sexist and a bigot by people who have no clue how I conduct my life on a daily basis, but draw the entire conclusion based on one simple word.

    Great and though provoking post Tricia.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      Thanks Wally for your thoughtful comment. And you’re so right about celebrating our differences, it’s truly what makes the world go round and us evolve. I don’t know you personally but based on your posts you really do seem like the last person I would call a sexist or bigot. That’s why it was so surreal to hear someone call you that and then go on about words like policemen. I felt I was stuck in a bad after school special movie!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Arkenaten says:

    @Wally

    In fact, seems our efforts to eradicate differences and be the same leads to contention and strife.

    The aim is to create a gender equal society where any form of tacit or subtle discrimination is eventually removed.
    To the case in point: why not use Police officer as an alternative to Policeman?
    Problem solved!
    Fire office as opposed to Fireman?

    If you use the term Doctor, do you automatically think ”Man”?
    No, of course not, these days, but you can bet your bottom dollar that eyebrows were once raised when a woman entered and announced she was the doctor.

    You would feel like a complete ass if you were referred to as a policewoman, Wally, ( then again, maybe you wouldn’t?) so why is it so much effort to simply use a gender neutral term in all such instances where ‘man’ was once/is still the standard ending to a noun?

    Like

    • Tricia says:

      I can’t speak for Wally but my focus is on how things like this that on the face of it are supposed to benefit women but in reality do not. As I mentioned in a response to a similar comment on”why not just change the language” , because it makes women seem weak, as if their brains would explode from hearing a word end in man or man and I personally would be annoyed if someone felt they need to change words like that for my benefit. It’s also yet one more thing to divide us up, create in fighting when there are much, much bigger things to be outraged about. Thank you though for your thoughts Ark.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Arkenaten says:

        One tends to forget the blatant discrimination that has been going on for thousands of years.
        It was not too long ago some of your kind ( see that word usage?) died just to be allowed to vote.
        Historically you have been regarded as property and it is worth bearing in mind that there are ”sistas” ( again…see it ?) are prevented from gaining an education, are circumcised, have been shot at etc etc.simply for wanting to be themselves.

        So when pieces of skirt like you ( oops) try to hand wave this away as not that important you might be forgetting just how darn lucky you are that men allowed you to think you are equal.

        All pigs are equal but some are more equal than others, right?

        It’s pretty well known that empowerment of women is the quickest way of uplifting a community,
        and language is an important part of this.
        One person’s ”Policeman” is another’s ”Yo, bitch!”

        Just a thought. Sorry, to distract you, I’m sure you have dishes to wash.

        Just in case: Language usage in this post was for illustrative purposes only

        Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Oh please Ark, I know how much you enjoy getting under people’s skin and I’ve certainly spent more time than I care trying to scratch you off but you lecturing me on the horrors of discrimination against women is just, well, absurd. Anyone who knows me or who has read my posts knows I write them on subjects like this because I believe that mindset makes women WORSE off and am hoping in some small way to change it.

      Like

      • Arkenaten says:

        The point I am trying to illustrate is how central language is.
        It has to start somewhere.
        I only get under people’s skin if they feel I have touched a nerve.
        I am pretty sure you are all for women too, not withstanding your religious beliefs , of course, which, whether you like it or not, play a role in this discrimination.
        Why dont you sit for five minutes and consider the post rather than simply firing back and chewing my arse off?

        Is saying Police officer that much more difficult than saying Policeman or are you simply being stubborn to prove how much you are ”not offended?”

        Think about it.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Wally Fry says:

          Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

          I challenge you to, in clear English, to demonstrate exactly how that discriminates. That is my primary directive from God regarding my treatment of my wife. Seems many would be quite happy with that. Just sayin

          Liked by 1 person

          • Arkenaten says:

            First. there was No Damn Church in Jesus of Nazareth’s day.

            Second. I should hope you do love and respect your wife. No point staying married otherwise.

            Trouble with using the bible as a reference for how to treat people there is always another verse that some how contradicts any verse the average ignorant Christian likes to quote.
            Would you like me to post a few, Wally, because I am darn sure you don’t know them?

            And this is not just about you,either, sunshine, it is about global awareness.
            Think about that sometimes instead of being such an insular twerp.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Wally Fry says:

            Once again, I challenge you to show me. Prove it. Prove I discriminate against women. So, in this comment, Global awareness is not the issue. The issue is I challenge you to prove, with evidence, the fact that I do, or have ever discriminated against any woman, at any time, in any place.

            Go on, answer the specific question which has been asked. Do it. Prove it. You have made the assertion, back it up. Quit deflecting and directly answer one question on your life.

            Oh and by the way(even this is probably discriminatory on my part), real men don’t talk to women the way you do. Just sayin.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Arkenaten says:

            What assertion did I make Wally?

            And in what way did I talk to Tricia that you do not approve?

            Liked by 1 person

          • Wally Fry says:

            The assertion has been made that I am personally and individually discriminatory. What started this entire process was the assertion that I am a sexist bigot. You may have not personally said it, you you certainly gave tacit approval to it.

            OK..fair enough on your conduct on this blog. Point goes to Ark on that one.

            Like

          • Arkenaten says:

            I never said you were a sexist bigot and never gave any tacit approval.
            Believe me, if I wanted to call you a sexist bigot I wouldn’t worry about tacit approval. The gods no! I would come straight out with it.

            Furthermore, my ‘beef’ ( such as it is) was primarily with word usage and Tricia’s discussion with Kate over the whole sexist thing. For a change, you did not actually feature at all . Difficult as
            that must be for you to hear.
            I am sorry if you were feeling left out. But in an effort to make it up to you, I’m sure I can come up with a few really good insults, including your favorite … the one that begins with ”D”. Just let me know, okay?

            Like

          • Wally Fry says:

            Nah..I’ll pass on the insult, but um, thanks for the kind offer.

            Carry on, then

            Like

          • Arkenaten says:

            Are you sure? It really is no bother. And if you ask Tricia nicely I am sure she will let it fly?
            Remember, if you change your mind and feel like being slagged off with some really cool words, just holler.
            Love you! xxx

            Liked by 1 person

          • Wally Fry says:

            Dang it Ark..you made me laugh. Ruined my whole day.

            Like

          • Tricia says:

            Lol Wally, he does that to me at times too…;)

            Liked by 1 person

          • Wally Fry says:

            caught me by surprise lol

            Like

          • Tricia says:

            It’s nice to see grown men kiss and make up

            Like

          • Tricia says:

            @ Ark….you’ll notice I don’t do much editing comments here but will start if the name calling continues. It’s disrespectful and undeserved and I won’t stand for it.

            And yes, I realize that is a form of controlling speech. Big difference between keeping comments civil on a comment board and rules that should govern free societies..Ok I will be gone for a few hours and can’t respond to comments until then. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone…;)

            Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      Ok Ark, you’re really reaching here and your request for me to think about your posts is well, sorry, too much coming from you as that’s not a habit you particularly partake in. And you’d be surprised and probably quite happy with how much sometimes I do ponder your comments. You’ve missed the entire point of my post though which is ultimately my fault as the author I guess. It doesn’t seem others have though so perhaps not. Controlling speech is a well worn road to tyranny, not freedom from oppression, woman or not.

      Like

      • Arkenaten says:

        You linked the post form the discussion you were having with Roughseas over at Wally’s spot.
        I was focusing on the word usage and your dismissal of it.
        I agree with some of the video; certain actions can become pedantic, but large swings or knee-jerk reaction is to be expected.
        And as I noted, one man’s Policeman is another’s ”Yo bitch!”

        Your reference to controlling speech is valid, but speech has been controlled in many cases since forever. And in many countries women are seriously curtailed over what they can and cannot say.

        You are already doing it with you r threat over ”name calling” and didn’t even realise you had done it.
        Are you going to jump in when Wally calls me a liar? His favorite epithet for my by the way. 🙂

        But to reiterate, my comments are more directed at the response from Wally’s post.

        Like

  4. Reblogged this on American Soustannie and commented:
    Rome collapsed because the pipes used to transport water within the cities were made out of lead. The elite who could afford piped water ingested huge quantities of lead, and their brains rotted.

    Okay, I know this is a vast over-simplification, but my point is, there’s a reason why the ancient Romans basically lost it. What reason will future historians have for the intellectual collapse of America? When did this country stop even aspiring to be the land of the free, and become the land of the easily offended?

    I’ve been wanting to write a post on the topic of victim thinking in feminism, but Tricia pretty much says it all. When you read it, be sure to watch the video … It’s chilling!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JunkChuck says:

    “gender-specific patriarchal language and societal constructs “—well hello Mister, er, Mizz Fancypants! I had to jump over there and say my peace, which was pretty much “Aren’t be better served as a culture by gently, and civilly–suggesting more inclusive and modern variations of “the old ways” instead of leaping right into shrill, fire-breathing confrontation?” As for the fear of being upset–when did we become such a bunch of sissies? We’re America, damnit–our heritage is brash, opinionated, holier-than-thou-ism. Agh! I’m fine with the protest of speakers–at least they let her speak–that’s part of the give and take. But all this bother with “triggers” and “offensiveness” is so far beneath us it is shameful. Don’t cry about me–stand in my face and tell me how utterly full of shit I am. This is all the part of the same continuum visible across wide swaths of our society, manifested most recently in the debate over helicopter (what we used to call “over-protective” vs.free range parenting, and the ultimate source is fear–cowardice rooted in fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Personally Tricia, I think online spat would be taking it too far. I merely saw it as a disagreement.

    I haven’t excelled in my women’s studies courses. They weren’t around when I went to university. I studied ancient and medieval history and archaeology.

    The blunt truth is you can’t see the wood for the trees. Language constantly evolves. It is different now to fifty years ago. I don’t know how old you are, but that will do as a proxy. Values change. Societies change.

    I have posted a number of times about the appalling position of women in developing counties who do not get food, health care and education. I can, quite frankly, do stuff all about that. I can try to inform supposedly educated English speaking people that their sexist derogatory language is also contributing to keeping women oppressed.

    I don’t talk about things I don’t know about. You may wish to consider that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Well hello roughseasahead and thanks for coming by. So again you take my disagreeing with your opinion as my not understanding such complex subject matter. And as I said before, I kind of wish I didn’t but only do too well and it just saddens me that smart women such as yourself fall for that kind of stuff. Sexist derogatory language should be discouraged, but I’m sorry, words like policemen or fireman just don’t fall in to that category. and “informing” women that they should be upset about things does more harm than good. We probably do agree on many things but that will never be one of them. Thanks for the comment.

      Like

      • Tricia says:

        Sorry roughseasinthemed that I wrote your name above incorrectly. What can I say, it’s been a long day…

        Like

      • Yes. I do take it as you not understanding the powerful effect of language and the subliminal impact it has on attitudes. And clearly if you don’t see that calling a woman a man is sexist, then you don’t understand the concepts and the wider contribution it makes on our society. Nor do I inform women they should be upset, or work up ‘silly outrage’. And, in the example you quoted, I was informing a man that his choice of words was sexist. You chose to jump in and disagree. Women can be just as sexist as men. As I’m sure you are aware.

        I don’t fall for very much. What saddens me on the other hand is that you fall for the fact that such linguistic choice is not sexist and is merely something gullible women are taken in by, and perhaps moreso, that you fall for a myth that considers there is One. True. Deity. up there pulling the strings of our puppeted life before we ascend to heaven or descend to hell after we’ve shuffled off our mortal coil. Now that sort of belief trumps my worries about sexist language any time.

        Thank you for your courteous response here on your blog.

        Like

      • Tricia says:

        “Yes. I do take it as you not understanding the powerful effect of language and the subliminal impact it has on attitudes. And clearly if you don’t see that calling a woman a man is sexist, then you don’t understand the concepts and the wider contribution it makes on our society.” You’re assuming then that either the person saying such a word has the intent of sexism behind it or the person hearing it feels oppressed by it. Those are quite big assumptions to make when you assign them to society at large and not the individuals having the discussion. As for your own conversation with Wally, I’d suggest you take it in context with all the other discussions you’ and he had. Calling someone sexist is an enormous insult, I’d want to be darn sure of my assumption before making such a charge.

        Not sure why you’re bringing up religion or where it fits in. The main thrust of the post by the way is the increasing trend (at least here in the U.S.) of people to shut down debate on opinions they don’t like. As I’ve mentioned in several comments, I don’t care if words like policemen remain in use or not and they probably will fade out naturally. It’s assigning them false negative meanings and demanding people stop using them that I dislike.

        Like

  7. La Sabrosona says:

    This was an interesting post indeed Tricia. And although I didn’t read all of the 76 comments I got enough of the debate to be able to give you my feedback. To me, language and words are powerful. I think we outgrow certain words. They simply no longer serve us as they’re no longer accurate or useful. I think with the specific example of the “policeman”, one can travel back in time a few decades and see that it was a useful and accurate word. However, in 2015, “policeman”, in my opinion, is no longer accurate, simply because there are women in the police force. It seems really weird to me to refer to a female police officer as a “policeman”. That’s all. I still love you 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tricia says:

      Oh La Sabrosona you know I love you too and always appreciate your thoughts, even when we disagree, you’re so nice about it! 😉 I honestly don’t care what words people use, it’s the demanding by some that others don’t use specific ones and the silly outrage they work up over stuff like this. We women can handle being called a policeman or fireman just fine I think and there are much bigger fish to fry. Thanks for coming by!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Arkenaten says:

        We women can handle being called a policeman or fireman just fine I think and there are much bigger fish to fry.

        When you can kick start a Boeing who gives a u-no-wot about Police man right?
        Maybe if we just called them ”pigs”, or ”coppers” or,”The Fuzz”?

        La Sabrosona is right. Language evolves. Accept it.
        On this one you got your (pretty?) ass whooped. Ooh … sexist! But you women can handle it.
        😉

        Like

        • Tricia says:

          Accept what, that people have different opinions on this? So the other folks that commented in favor don’t count? I don’t view writing as a winning or losing game but sigh, I realize that’s all life is to some.

          The main point of the post by the way is the alarming trend of people wanting to shut down speech they don’t agree with. The discussion with rough seas was brought up as micro example. As I said to LS, it doesn’t bother me what word people use, but the demand others do so.

          Might I suggest decency towards others starts with every day interpersonal communication? I’d rather folks work on how they react towards others than complaining about this or that societal construct. Yeesh, bleeds the individual dry of context, how boring.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Arkenaten says:

            You continue to see this in a microcosm that basically contains …. you and fail completely to take in the bigger picture.
            While it might not bother you it is the tip of the iceberg that encompasses a whole host of discrimination that is a lot more insidious.
            You may believe your view is the common sense one – stop fussing over nothing – and on the surface you are likely correct. On the surface. However, pick that scab and peer underneath.
            And you can’t heal the entire wound in one go so you start small and change mind sets bit by bit.
            But if people such as you continue to say , ”oh, it doesn’t matter”, remember, there are millions of women and girls for whom it matters a great deal.
            This is why your obtuse POV is, I’m sorry to say, somewhat condescending and selfish.

            Like

      • Tricia says:

        And that is exactly my point Ark! First off I highly doubt millions of women feel discriminated against when hearing those words, not outside a college campus any way. Assigning them negative connotations that aren’t there and working women up to get outraged over them is harmful, both to the empowerment of women and society at large and that is why I pick at such concepts. Gender based language is a distraction anyway, jez look at how much time was wasted here discussing it. Makes for an active comment board thoug!

        Liked by 2 people

  8. La Sabrosona says:

    Reblogged this on my spanglish familia and commented:
    Come one come all. Get in on the debate. “Policeman” as an acceptable term to refer to female officers? Comment on Tricia’s blog please.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Thanks for the re-blog!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      “In closing, I am curious if your husband ever measured you for an ironing board?”

      Classy words from an enlightened soul.

      Liked by 1 person

      • La Sabrosona says:

        Which enlightened soul? I tried to google it…with no such luck.

        Liked by 1 person

      • La Sabrosona says:

        Lol ok I had to come back to this thread to understand…I was confused…I solved the riddle. This is a situation is in which emotions are communicating louder than words. I think when you say most women wouldn’t care being called policeman outside of a college, I don’t agree because I’ve been thinking of other words that people have been called that have been problematic.

        Let’s think of words used to describe black people: nigger, negro, coloured, black, African American. There’s a big difference between these words. There are words that used to be perfectly acceptable to say that are taboo and racist like nigger, negro and coloured (although I hear little old white men and women that come from the country-side say “coloured” still). African American is the PC term and the most acceptable, most respected term.

        Being that I live in Canada, I don’t call black Canadians “Black Canadians”. I call black people “black” and white people “white” unless I know which country a person or group of people come from and I will refer to them by their country of origin; and I will group Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese etc in “Asian” unless I know specifically, in conversation, which country the person is from.

        Some black people are offended by the word “black”. To tell someone it’s ridiculous that they’re offended by that is not very helpful. I think it’s important to understand the historical context and the present context of words. Words are used to discriminate as well as exalt.

        Someone could take the Lord’s name in vain by saying “Jesus fucking Christ”. Some would not bat an eyelash while others would be extremely offended. For me to say to the person who’s offended “Who fucking cares about Jesus fucking Christ. Get over it”, is rude because it discounts entirely the other person’s experience. And when we discount each others’ experiences and invalidate them that’s when anger and rage surface.

        When anger surfaces, forget it. Communication – effective communication – becomes almost impossible. I’ve seen it time and time again. Someone’s mad and they keep writing the same shit trying to get the other person to “understand” when all that person sees is anger and can’t see “the point”.

        That’s my long-winded response 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Tricia says:

          Hey LS, I just realized you were caught up in the thread between Ark and I so I hope you didn’t think my responses were aimed at you. Oh and you’re long winded comments are always appreciated here! 😉 And thank you by the way for this thoughtful one as it was a good reminder to me how hurtful words can be and that personal experience plays a large role in how they affect us. It’s always good to be mindful of that which I sometimes forget.

          I have to say though I just don’t put policeman in the same category at all as the N word and other derogatory language. In fact I think to do so takes away from their nastiness.

          I think too there might be some misunderstanding when I say I have a problem with people demanding they don’t be used. If a lady cop a told me her preference was police woman I would certainly use that and in fact I probably automatically do in many cases with out even realizing it. What I take issue with is those who feel words ending in man or men are part of a larger problem of categoric sexism towards women and thus they must be officially stricken from the language. I believe this feeds in to a victimhood mentality which works against women. I also believe it unfair for men to be labeled sexist as Wally was, when they are using a word that’s been a part of our language for as long as cops have been around. If the intent to be sexist is there than yes, fair game but I would gather most times it is not.

          I agree with what JunkChuck said above in that words like policemen will, with time devolve out of use as more and more women enter those fields and it just becomes natural.

          It’s kind of funny to me how the meaning behind this post has focused so much on the poor policeman word. That was not my intent but if that’s what people want to discuss, I”m game! 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • La Sabrosona says:

            I think that’s exactly what people are objecting to…the idea that Wally, with his language, whether or not he’s aware, is excluding women. I’m hyper aware of gender specific language because of a good friend whose gay and she considers herself a part of the LGBT community. And even if I feel like my head’s gonna explode because I don’t understand everything (I’m a married heterosexual woman) I respect other people’s version of what gender means to him/her. It’s not black and white, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

            But hey, very successful topic in terms of debate. And lots of traffic 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • Tricia says:

            “Nothing is black or white,” Amen to that LS!

            Liked by 1 person

  9. Arkenaten says:

    Gender based language is a distraction anyway, jez look at how much time was wasted here discussing it. Makes for an active comment board thoug!

    And there’s the condescension.
    Discrimination against all women, of all cultures of all races across the globe, not just your damn middle class US or Eh?

    I don’t think it a waste at all. It has brought to the surface some glaring aspects of this subject
    not least of them is your view, which I have no doubt is mirrored by many.
    While there may very well be people reading who prefer not to comment and who disagree vehemently with my view, there may also be plenty that disagree with yours.

    Your attitude, whether you like it or not, helps perpetuate the thing that others put a lot more on the line than you have ever done or will ever likely have to do.

    As I asked before, how difficult is it for you to simply make a conscience decision to start saying police officer? Seriously, can you do that?

    Like

    • Tricia says:

      Why on earth would you think I don’t believe women outside of the west suffer from discrimination? I mention the U.S. specifically because some here take high offense at such small beer like gendered favored language yet ignore the true atrocities going on in places like Yemen and Afghanistan. That type of horrid discrimination has nothing to do with the word policemen and I think it’s non productive and in fact harmful to focus on things like that. And because you asked me to use it, now of course I never will. 😉

      I’ve explained this over and over to you so that’s really all I have to say. Plus it’s hard to take your outrage over words ending in man or men seriously when you call me a “skirt” and that I “must have dishes to do”. Yes, I know you were being facetious but some would find that much more offensive than those words, you’re lucky I’m not one of them.

      Ok, out again for a few hours. It’s Sunday, try and enjoy yourself a bit. 😉

      Like

      • Arkenaten says:

        Why on earth would you think I don’t believe women outside of the west suffer from discrimination?

        I did not say you didn’t believe women outside of the west suffer from discrimination.
        Your comments and attitude tend to not take cognizance of other women outside the US of Eh?

        If you are not prepared to look after your own back yard then it shows a degree of hypocrisy if you are now going on about ”the true atrocities going on in places like Yemen and Afghanistan”

        I stated that the use of ”skirt” and ”doing the dishes”was for illustrative purposes. That you would bring it up shows you either didn’t take the time to read it in context ( even though you gleefully mention ”being facetious”) or you are now pulling it out of context to further make your point, which suggests you are being purposely disingenuous.

        But I reckon the relevant points have been made, don’t you?
        In closing, I am curious if your husband ever measured you for an ironing board?

        I always enjoy myself.

        Like

  10. Tricia says:

    If any of you have ever wondered about the phrase narcissist gas lighting, the above exchange is a classic example.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dennis says:

    To all the little “offended folks” I have a question. When ISIS takes over will you be more “offended” by having to denounce your beliefs or the beheading you’ll receive?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Hey Dennis, thanks for dropping by. NOW ISIS is something to be outraged over for sure and I wish there was more of it, especially from our President.

      Like

  12. ColorStorm says:

    Good follow up on the gender discussion trish, but I am sooooooooooooooo tired of the word ‘trigger.’ 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I absolutely agree with you. Mankind defines all humans male and female. I don’t take issue with the term policeman, congressman, ect..

    There are so many worse things to take umbrage with. I can’t be offended honestly. Because to be offended means I’ve given someone else power over my emotional well being. I’d never allow that. We can disagree on topics, we can choose to be offended, or we can choose to not let someone else define who we personally are and how we personally feel.

    Keep writing I’m now following.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Hey Michelle, thanks so much for your comment, I especially loved this, “to be offended means I’ve given someone else power over my emotional well being.” Now that’s what I’m talking about! That’s why I feel these petty fights over words are demeaning to women. We are stronger than that, except when we allow ourselves to not be. Thanks for the follow too! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. archaeopteryx1 says:

    As a man who raised four daughters by myself, I defy anyone to say women are the weaker sex.

    Why don’t you drop by and see us, Tricia – I’ve spent most of my time lately (when I’m not harassing Colorstorm) on “Ain’tNoShrinkingViolet’s” blog – a bunch of recently-deconverted atheists and liberal theists who get together and talk about things without a lot of bickering (or pandering). Also, Violet has an interesting personal history that I believe will really interest you:
    https://thereisnorainasd.wordpress.com/2015/04/26/throwing-off-indoctrination/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Ha, well point conceded than with you and your daughters! Sure I will come visit, I’ve felt guilty in not having enough time to read and comment on other blogs. Off to work now though, catch you later. And thanks for the comment!

      Like

  15. archaeopteryx1 says:

    I have no intention of making a pest of myself, but I really think you’ll enjoy this —

    Like

  16. This was a really well done post and much appreciated. I’ve read it a couple of times and the comments. I really agree with you here, “Speaking as a woman, (yes I have that right) I think this idea of suppressed speech is especially damaging for females.” It is damaging and it’s really odd to see such silencing tactics coming from within so called feminism. Nothing quite like being told to shut up in the name of female empowerment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tricia says:

      Well thanks IB and I appreciate that you get what I’m talking about when I say it’s damaging to women to demand words like policemen be changed. Some just don’t and take offense to it. And yes, being told to shut up in the name of female empowerment is quite a bizarre thing! Thx for coming by.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. archaeopteryx1 says:

    Good to see that you can laugh at yourself, CS – that makes you a member of a large club.

    Like

  18. ColorStorm says:

    Your joy is short lived arch; I meant to ‘reply’ but oops…………

    Anyway, yes, it was not very amusing; the poor fella’s interpretation of scripture is somewhat embarrassing actually. And the laugh tracks? ouch.

    Liked by 1 person

    • archaeopteryx1 says:

      Then that’s the advantage, CS, that your blog has over his video – no laughtrack necessary, it’s a laugh a second from your first word to your last.

      Like

      • ColorStorm says:

        And in the spirit of the title and content of this post about ‘being offended,’ I take no offense arch at your comment here; but to advance the idea of ‘laughter;’ He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh,’ and THAT is more real (and sober) than your temporary video.

        But your hero there, the atheist comic, his days of scoffing are limited, just like so many others. Humor is a wonderful thing though, and it has been said you can tell a lot about a person by what they find ‘funny.’.

        Liked by 2 people

        • archaeopteryx1 says:

          But your hero there, the atheist comic, his days of scoffing are limited, just like so many others.” – Including, as per the latest Pew polls, the days of your god – by 2050, 25% of Americans will be “Nones,” and rising. By the turn of the next century, which you and I won’t see, I would expect that number to be a full 50%, at which time some laws are going to definitely get changed, and I would expect for Churches to begin paying their fair share of taxes and to get no government help when it comes to running indoctrination schools for their children. Churches in the US are already closing in record numbers, due largely to lack of interest. Your god’s days are just as numbered as my own – when was the last time anyone celebrated Zeus’ birthday? Gods die when people stop believing in them – without us, they cannot exist.

          Like

      • Tricia says:

        Arch, remember what I said over on Violet’s post on viewing things through our pre fixed stereotypes? You should try really being honest with yourself on what your own are and removing them for just a day. You’ll be astonished at what you see and learn.

        Liked by 1 person

        • archaeopteryx1 says:

          You should try really being honest with yourself on what your own are and removing them for just a day.

          Tricia, when was the last time you’ve ever known a theist (I use that term because not all religious are Christian) to do that? Can they set aside their belief in a god? In an eternal life? In a savior? Even for a day, and try to view the world as we do? Don’t think so.

          My “stereotypes,” as you call them, are actually my opinions that I have forged through years of research into religions, into the Bible – and the thing people like CS aren’t inclined to do – into the history of the writing of the Bible, and it would be impossible for me to regress back to that state of ignorance that I once knew. It’s like un-believing that there is no Santa Claus – can you ever go back to that state and believe as you did as a child, that Santa is real and visits all children in a single night, all over the world, by means of a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer, and never question how those things could possibly be?

          Like

          • Tricia says:

            I’m talking about the way you communicate to Christians. You may be different in person but on line it appears you have a very cartoon characterish image of who they are, which hinders your ability to discern proper meaning during discussions. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with their meaning, but there are ways of doing this that actually make for productive conversation, instead of name calling.

            Like

          • archaeopteryx1 says:

            There are only three, that I am aware of, throughout all of blogdom, whom I have ever called names, and that is largely because of the “cartoon characterish images” they present of themselves, prior to my ever calling them anything. If I find a Christian, such as yourself (and yes, I do appreciate the role you’ve chosen as peacemaker, and am quite aware of the reward the Beatitudes promise for those who engage in that activity), who is willing to sit down and discuss religion intelligently, including how the Bible came to be, in a civil manner, if not hard pressed for time, I am always willing to do so.

            When one such as Colorstorm, however, holds my every comment in “Moderation,” releases only those that don’t contain information that he doesn’t want his followers to know, deletes parts of some he DOES release, and adds editorial notes to still others, then yes, I do have a problem with such a person.

            Like

          • Tricia says:

            Fair enough Arch.

            Like

  19. Tricia says:

    I wasn’t gonna mention the laugh track but glad someone else did….;)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Pingback: The poor are always with us | Clouds moving in

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  22. Penny says:

    this is really just terrifying.
    i grew up in switzerland and it helps give you an outsider’s point of view, too.
    dear god.
    thank you for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Julie says:

    I’m thinking schools should provide safe spaces for the speakers. They’re the ones who take the abuse. Shouting people down and shutting them up should be a hate crime, because it is.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Greate pieces. Keep writing such kind of info on your page. Im really impressed by your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Pingback: Year of the Crybaby | Freedom Through Empowerment

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